You can't work together without communication!

On the Cooperation Scale, we often talk about 'talking to' and 'feedback' as necessary steps to achieve greater cooperation. These are forms of interaction where communication plays an essential role. And it is precisely this interaction that makes things a lot more complex in practice than just a few steps on the Scale. After all, what one communication style perceives as 'superfluous', 'a waste of time' and 'dilly-dallying' is, for another style, necessary communication to achieve alignment and connection before getting to the heart of the matter. What is 'concrete' and 'to the point' for one person may be 'too brief' for another. And you will probably recognise that you can give direct feedback 'to the point' to one person, while with another you pay much more attention to your words. In our projects to improve cooperation, we regularly include training in communication styles to develop a better understanding of this. Communicating with style is therefore a prerequisite for good and respectful teamwork. In this article, the most important lessons from these training sessions plus some tips.

Whatever model on communication styles you use (DISC, InsightsDiscovery, ManagementDrives, MBTI, etc.), they all have in common that they look at differences in people's communication preferences and thinking. People care about different things, have different fears and express that in different ways.

When there is mutual understanding and people complement each other, these very differences make for highly performing teams. We see that in all well-cooperating teams, the different styles are balanced - they all contribute equally - and people complement each other in this and empower each other. This may or may not be because the team has received training in communication styles.

We use a model in which we distinguish four communication styles:

• Directing behaviour keeps the focus on results. One takes decisions.
• Motivational behaviour tries out. People experiment and learn from mistakes made.
• Caring behaviour uses feeling. One creates togetherness and a good atmosphere so that a cooperation remains stable and the learning process continues.
• Investigative behaviour reflects and analyses: is it right and just and are the facts correct?

Successful teams have engaged everyone's communication style for the work process. Team members also switch communication styles themselves and engage each other in the process. Decision-makers help decide and keep an eye on the goal, doers take the initiative to experiment and involve others. Social interaction and caring for each other are encouraged and people do not forget to think, check facts and keep processes working. The team runs like a cog in which everyone takes their place.

When things come under pressure and differences actually create misunderstanding and conflict, good cooperation can 'turn around'.

Too much pressure can create sand between the cogs. The different preferred styles will then show 'struggling behaviour', damaging the cogs further and further. When what a style primarily focuses on is no longer expressed within the team, behaviour to get that done will go into overdrive. Which ultimately actually creates more distance.

Instead of a feedback process, criticism arises and this creates further pressure. One gets easily trapped in one's preferred style and cannot change styles. What was a cog in the wheel gets stuck.

• Directing behaviour then becomes coercive, fearful of missing out on results.
• Motivational behaviour derails into manipulation, afraid of not being able to try anything more and losing influence.
• Caring behaviour talks things up and covers up, afraid of damaging the relationship otherwise.
• Inquisitive behaviour no longer trusts it and avoids action, afraid of making mistakes.

How do you get such a jammed cog back into a working system? First comes the question: are we still working on the same agenda? Or has the pressure given everyone their own agenda? Again, the key to success lies in connecting and getting what is in the way on the table. First, the sand has to come out. Name what is still going well, even if the result is at an all-time low. From the agreement on what is going well, you can further identify and repair the mistakes in a solution-oriented way. Appreciation and recognition of each other's hard work creates space to address each other on imperfections. For each communication style, the following is important to remember:

• Does your colleague have a directorial preference? If so, don't beat around the bush. You can address someone directly, even in public. Do it result-oriented; any mistakes made thus become learning moments.
• Does your colleague have a motivational preference? Then formulate forward-looking in terms of 'what to do'. Do not forget to appreciate what is going well and call this colleague to your aid. People are valuable; a colleague with a motivational style wants to hear that from you spontaneously and sincerely.
• Does your colleague have a caring preference? If so, don't forget to mention the connection 'the we-feeling'. Ask if it is OK to share feedback, then make an appointment, give your feedback in connection with the big picture and in private.
• Does your colleague have an inquisitive preference? Make an appointment and mention that you want to give feedback. Good preparation makes your feedback reliable. Give your feedback in detail, in private and take your time. By making an appointment, you give your colleague the opportunity to prepare well for the interview.

When you manage to address and engage each other in this way, miracles can be achieved. The more everyone's style comes into its own, the better they complement each other and the easier it becomes for everyone to tune into the other's style as well.

All this contributes to a cooperative atmosphere. And the team will achieve more than they ever dreamed!