Conflict: opportunity or danger?

When people work together, there is no escaping the occasional conflict. A conflict need not be bad; without friction there is no shine. Looking at it from the perspective of cooperation, the trick is to make a conflict purposeful. It has to achieve something.

Differences together
A conflict is a situation in which two or more parties adopt methods, pursue objectives or adhere to values that are, actually or in the perception of the parties, incompatible and therefore clash.

Translated from Latin, conflict means 'to differ together'. Differences of opinion can cause a lot of conflict between people, but can also allow you to get a more complete picture of the situation together and thus make better choices. To achieve effective cooperation, it is about 'being able to differ together'. In doing so, you turn conflict into functional conflict.

To enable functional conflict, it is very important to have a clear common goal that is higher and more important than the conflict itself. If you don't have that together, start looking for it first. If you know what you are forming a team for, you can also place each conflict in that light and thus allow it to be a functional conflict. If it contributes to the common goal, conflicts are experienced as very valuable.

On the Scale of Cooperation, we see the word Conflict at Struggling. But disagreement and difference of opinion - actually those are also conflicts - can be found at different positions on the Scale. We discuss the four that are most common.

Struggling

1. In Struggling, one often arrives at the position Conflict from problem-oriented thinking. The conflict has become a contradiction and all involved see only problems and/or think precisely in so-called 'solutions'. 'Just do as I say and we'll be out of here'. A solution becomes 'petrified' in the discussion, people no longer think in joint solutions but in winning or losing. 'There is only one solution left: you do this (or there are serious consequences)'.

People react to it differently:

• Sometimes, conflictants get angry, at the risk of taking it out on the man. It's all about who wins, honour and pride come into play. The conflict becomes contagious, colleagues have to choose: 'Are you with us or against us?'
• Sometimes people shy away, especially afraid of escalation. The conflict is then avoided and stays between the conflictants. 'We no longer talk about it'. But the conflict is still there, and the conflicting parties then experience functioning at a greater distance from each other. For an organisation that values cooperation, flexibility and decisiveness, this distance is a problem.
• Or one 'agrees' with an angry colleague - which could also be your boss. The conflict then seems resolved; practice will show if it is. If not, a 'reckoning' follows later. Then the conflict is back (to an even more intense degree).

Avoiding

2. The above can cause conflict to arise in the Avoiding. The disagreement may not be directly expressed, but has an impact on the team and the work. In this shirking, an undercurrent of dissatisfaction then persists for a long time. This has a crippling and delaying impact on work and the working atmosphere.

Talking to each other

3. Sometimes someone in the team gets tired of beating around the bush and avoiding the conflict. Confident of a happy ending, they enter the conflict purposefully. The problem is laid openly on the table. This is the first step towards being able to talk to each other again. This way, you make the conflict a moment of choice and not something you are either a 'victim' or a 'perpetrator' of. With the common higher goal in mind, there is room to make choices.

Entering into conflict in this way brings with it a responsibility: to make sure you come out of it in a good way together.

Somewhere around Talking with and Feedback is the purposeful discussion to reach shared goals and agreements. This requires sufficient trust in the team so that everyone dares to express their ideas and opinions. When this is done thoroughly and everyone feels heard, joint choices WITH support can be reached. These discussions can (and should) be intense, but the goal and the task are central. The result is joint goals and agreements that everyone supports and takes responsibility for.

Consolidate

4. Then, people have to call each other to account when there is a deviation from the shared goals and agreements. This too can be perceived as conflict, but with the goal in mind, it can be very rewarding. On the Scale of Cooperation, we recognise this last outcome as 'Securing'. Again, mistakes are made. But no reckoning follows. People sit down and rearrange the situation. We speak of growth.

Mindset
In short, conflicts exist in every organisation and in every team. What matters and what you can influence is how the conflict arises, with which mindset (problems or opportunities in mind) you yourself are in it and how you want to come out of it together. Staying respectful and talking about the task from a position of trust are then essential conditions. This is how teams working together at a high level use conflict to become even better together!